The Royal Liverpool Hospital


The Judges walked into Chelsea Royal Garden Show
as Kev, on the other channel, walked into the Royal Liverpool Hospital.

The Judges worried about the gardens and the suitability of their planting
Kev's doctor worried about his infected swollen arm and the collapsed vein in his groin.

The Judges wore low-slung heels, expensive twill with Givenchy scarves
Kev wore jeans and a T shirt with Monsters Inc shouting from his puny chest.

The Judges were terribly concerned an Irishman had spent one hundred and twenty thousand pounds on a Smartie pavilion
Kev had spent that amount on heroin and was concerned about getting his Methadone.

Diarmud argued about the height of his garden wall.
Kev watched Alan gasping on oxygen next to him as he went through cold turkey and promised he would never inject again.

The judges dispensed silver gilts as the doctor dispensed Kevs Methadone.

The judges waved their passes and were chauffeured home to their million plus houses.
Kev signed himself out and jumped a bus to his squat in the Dingle.

The Judges will be back next year, so will Kev... if he’s still here.

By Helen Namid