Am Bladdered On A Sat,Dee Night

Am bladdered on a sat,dee night
i av`nt got a care
i felt alright inside the pub
but now av hit the air

im trying wobble outta town
an gerron London road
bound to be a taxi there
a think thats what am told

av made it to the ozzy
now if i say im dead
d`ya reckon that the doctor
will give me a warm bed

me eyes av all gone funny
me heads started to moan
me belly wants the chippy
me legs are half way home

am bumpin into everything
but av made it here to Kenny
Old swan is miles away
an i need to spend a penny

i meet this girl an start to sing
she really looks a fox
when am up to seven verses
she turns into a letter box

then at last a taxi
i love the guy to bits
but why`s he bleedin shouting
i only dropped me chips

av made it to our house now
my wifes love i must pledge
am just about to serenade
when i fall back in the hedge

am lyin lookin at the stars
i av to bite me lip
am gettin setimental
then i fall a kip

a neighbour comes an wakes me up
a think his name is lottie
he tells me pack the ale in
cos last week you moved to Scottie

a tell him that i love him
then a think oh bloomin hell
a spin around an ask him
did the wife she move as well

so off i go, and in the end
i find me place to sleep
am never drinkin anymore
well, not until next week

By Anthony Hogan